It's so hard trying to make out what is black or white... out of grey..
is there ever a right time to confront someone... or what to do in a relationship.. or in any given situation? is there really a right way to react... a wrong way to behave..
sometimes things are jus not so clear... not clear at all... between whats right.. or wrong... whats right to do or say and whens the right time to do or say it.
Its so hard to balance between what u really want to do... n that fear of destroying something.. a relationship... a friendship.
And sometimes its scary... that ppl only let u in.. on the side that u want ppl to see u... including me. You think that its a valid reason... to show only one side of you.. cos showing the other side of you... may jus become rejected by other ppl... or jeopardize a relationship or smth.. but sometimes i wonder which is scarier... seeing the real side of someone even tho its hard to accept... or being hidden from the real side...?
Like for example.. u think that ur fren looks fatter. But u don't tell ur fren that... she's put on weight cos u fear that u'd hurt his/her feelings. And so u tel another fren that he/she looks fatter. Which wud u prefer? having someone tell that u look fat to ur face? or being 'blissfully' hidden from the truth? Or which wud u prefer- being the kind of person that on the account of protecting other ppl's feelings by omitting certain truths... or the kind that wears no masks n jus say things as it is?
It's kind of scary that people.. including me.. let ppl in only maybe to half-truths about themselves.. to portray themselves in certain lights... so u never noe the creepy side.. the dark side of what they acty feel or think. Maybe its good.. that u protect a relationship in this way... but the scariness of never letting someone fully in... or never letting anyone noe who u really are... or maybe never knowing hu someone actually is.. n the selfishness of protecting ur own image..is just creepy.
I don't know what to think abt anyth.. anyone.. anymore.
Sometimes ppl tell u something.. but u cant help wondering.. what acty is the truth... or u're told smth n u find out theres acty more to it. Sometimes u smile in front of others.. but ure dying inside. Sometimes ppl smile to you... n they're stabbing u inside.
It sucks.. playing guessing games but i guess thats what people do in real life.. n thats what life makes u do.
Anw.. if u thought ive really moved on.. in 10 days... erased everyth tts transpired in the past.. 10 mts.. and the year before that... well... ive been able to push thoughts of that aside.. negative emotions n everyth.. behave normally n get on happily. But it doesnt stop the loneliness from creeping into me sometimes.. sneaking attacks on me.. n i still feel the gaping hole of where u used to be. I know this is what i chose.. becos there are jus too many question marks in the relationship. I guess it hurts less bcos i noe ure still there for me.. n.. i dunno what i shud do too. I want u to be here for me.. but i dont, too, at the same time cos i noe we will never be. I keep telling u to move on.. but tts not acty what i want.. but what i noe u.. and i shud do.
It's so hard trying to make out what is black or white... out of grey..
is there ever a right time to confront someone... or what to do in a relationship.. or in any given situation? is there really a right way to react... a wrong way to behave..
sometimes things are jus not so clear... not clear at all... between whats right.. or wrong... whats right to do or say and whens the right time to do or say it.
Its so hard to balance between what u really want to do... n that fear of destroying something.. a relationship... a friendship.
And sometimes its scary... that ppl only let u in.. on the side that u want ppl to see u... including me. You think that its a valid reason... to show only one side of you.. cos showing the other side of you... may jus become rejected by other ppl... or jeopardize a relationship or smth.. but sometimes i wonder which is scarier... seeing the real side of someone even tho its hard to accept... or being hidden from the real side...?
Like for example.. u think that ur fren looks fatter. But u don't tell ur fren that... she's put on weight cos u fear that u'd hurt his/her feelings. And so u tel another fren that he/she looks fatter. Which wud u prefer? having someone tell that u look fat to ur face? or being 'blissfully' hidden from the truth? Or which wud u prefer- being the kind of person that on the account of protecting other ppl's feelings by omitting certain truths... or the kind that wears no masks n jus say things as it is?
It's kind of scary that people.. including me.. let ppl in only maybe to half-truths about themselves.. to portray themselves in certain lights... so u never noe the creepy side.. the dark side of what they acty feel or think. Maybe its good.. that u protect a relationship in this way... but the scariness of never letting someone fully in... or never letting anyone noe who u really are... or maybe never knowing hu someone actually is.. n the selfishness of protecting ur own image..is just creepy.
I don't know what to think abt anyth.. anyone.. anymore.
Sometimes ppl tell u something.. but u cant help wondering.. what acty is the truth... or u're told smth n u find out theres acty more to it. Sometimes u smile in front of others.. but ure dying inside. Sometimes ppl smile to you... n they're stabbing u inside.
It sucks.. playing guessing games but i guess thats what people do in real life.. n thats what life makes u do.
Anw.. if u thought ive really moved on.. in 10 days... erased everyth tts transpired in the past.. 10 mts.. and the year before that... well... ive been able to push thoughts of that aside.. negative emotions n everyth.. behave normally n get on happily. But it doesnt stop the loneliness from creeping into me sometimes.. sneaking attacks on me.. n i still feel the gaping hole of where u used to be. I know this is what i chose.. becos there are jus too many question marks in the relationship. I guess it hurts less bcos i noe ure still there for me.. n.. i dunno what i shud do too. I want u to be here for me.. but i dont, too, at the same time cos i noe we will never be. I keep telling u to move on.. but tts not acty what i want.. but what i noe u.. and i shud do.
grey
