Happy New Year to all!!~ Hope everyone is having a great time enjoying the hols n celebrating the hope of a new n better year (=
im feeling alot of uncertainty in the new year ahead... having to work EXTRA hard to pull up my horrendous cap... n not being able to take any same modules with my dear frens in the coming sem. >.<" Why are we all taking different MAJORS?? sighh. I wish i was more independent n strong!! Like qihui! hahaha.. she can totally survive on her own... n working crazy hours the past sem!! I think if it were me i'd just die n wallow in loneliness n self pity xp
But im realli scared of next yr... theres no more gd frens to take same mods with.. no more jeremy to picnic with me in lecture.. no moreeeee......... so many no moreees!!~ Haishh. How to feel hopeful in the new year? >.<"
I think im pretty much pmsing right now... maybe its the hot weather... lol... but amidst all the fireworks i see on tv..all the hoo-haa n joyful celebrations going on ard now.... i feel pretty much.. empty.
Cant really trace this sense of emptiness tho... alot of times i dun realli noe why i feel the way i feel? maybe its the irritating hot weather im not used to after enjoying the nice cool weather in Taiwan... maybe im frustrated at my pimple outbreak, bad throat n bad results... maybe its bcos im jus plain pmsy.. maybe its bcos the first round of bidding is starting soon n i haven finished choosing my modules.. or successfully found somebody to take smth with me!( I feel lk an utter FAILURE!!) Or maybe its bcos of the emptiness that has never left me.
Amidst all the avenues of escape that God has provided for me through holidays n frens n family which im realli thankful for.. i cant help but feel empty still. All those stuff going ard me has pretty much filled the gap but there are still gaps.. wen that sucky feeling creeps up on me n resurfaces before i go to bed.. wen im stoning.. yadayada... I guess its pretty normal huh.. otherwise i'd be heartless! Glad to noe i have a normal heart.. hahaha. but sucks to feel that way.
Ive felt upset at myself... disappointed.. angry... sad.... hurt.... possibly all the negative emotions.. but this is probably the first time ive ever found myself or rmb feeling so empty...
Its quite a scary feeling.. feeling so alone even wen ppl are ard u.. Feeling so cold amidst the hype. Sounds lk dementors sucking ur soul out of u n u feel lk u can never feel happy or hopeful again huh.
I dun want ppl to worry abt me after reading my posts ya... sometimes i dunno whether i shud blog.. but wenever i feel lk some sort of strong emotion i usually feel lk writing to express n vent all my emotions out so ill feel better n writing helps me think thru abt what im feeling too n make sense out of everyth so it'd stop bothering me. Im afraid to let ppl noe how i feel inside most of the time.. but somehow i feel lk i still want someone out there to noe it.. lk im talking to someone. So i dun write diaries anymore cos its lk talking to myself. haha. I dun realli want ppl fussing over me n stuffs.. im glad my blog is pretty ulu so i feel more at ease at expressing myself. haha.
Anw hu those to acty read this post, Happy New Year to u, n no worries ill be my normal self most of the time(:
Happy New Year to all!!~ Hope everyone is having a great time enjoying the hols n celebrating the hope of a new n better year (=
im feeling alot of uncertainty in the new year ahead... having to work EXTRA hard to pull up my horrendous cap... n not being able to take any same modules with my dear frens in the coming sem. >.<" Why are we all taking different MAJORS?? sighh. I wish i was more independent n strong!! Like qihui! hahaha.. she can totally survive on her own... n working crazy hours the past sem!! I think if it were me i'd just die n wallow in loneliness n self pity xp
But im realli scared of next yr... theres no more gd frens to take same mods with.. no more jeremy to picnic with me in lecture.. no moreeeee......... so many no moreees!!~ Haishh. How to feel hopeful in the new year? >.<"
I think im pretty much pmsing right now... maybe its the hot weather... lol... but amidst all the fireworks i see on tv..all the hoo-haa n joyful celebrations going on ard now.... i feel pretty much.. empty.
Cant really trace this sense of emptiness tho... alot of times i dun realli noe why i feel the way i feel? maybe its the irritating hot weather im not used to after enjoying the nice cool weather in Taiwan... maybe im frustrated at my pimple outbreak, bad throat n bad results... maybe its bcos im jus plain pmsy.. maybe its bcos the first round of bidding is starting soon n i haven finished choosing my modules.. or successfully found somebody to take smth with me!( I feel lk an utter FAILURE!!) Or maybe its bcos of the emptiness that has never left me.
Amidst all the avenues of escape that God has provided for me through holidays n frens n family which im realli thankful for.. i cant help but feel empty still. All those stuff going ard me has pretty much filled the gap but there are still gaps.. wen that sucky feeling creeps up on me n resurfaces before i go to bed.. wen im stoning.. yadayada... I guess its pretty normal huh.. otherwise i'd be heartless! Glad to noe i have a normal heart.. hahaha. but sucks to feel that way.
Ive felt upset at myself... disappointed.. angry... sad.... hurt.... possibly all the negative emotions.. but this is probably the first time ive ever found myself or rmb feeling so empty...
Its quite a scary feeling.. feeling so alone even wen ppl are ard u.. Feeling so cold amidst the hype. Sounds lk dementors sucking ur soul out of u n u feel lk u can never feel happy or hopeful again huh.
I dun want ppl to worry abt me after reading my posts ya... sometimes i dunno whether i shud blog.. but wenever i feel lk some sort of strong emotion i usually feel lk writing to express n vent all my emotions out so ill feel better n writing helps me think thru abt what im feeling too n make sense out of everyth so it'd stop bothering me. Im afraid to let ppl noe how i feel inside most of the time.. but somehow i feel lk i still want someone out there to noe it.. lk im talking to someone. So i dun write diaries anymore cos its lk talking to myself. haha. I dun realli want ppl fussing over me n stuffs.. im glad my blog is pretty ulu so i feel more at ease at expressing myself. haha.
Anw hu those to acty read this post, Happy New Year to u, n no worries ill be my normal self most of the time(:
Happy new year.
