honestly the new year just feels like another day to me..
Anyways.. Church camp was great! Really~ the lessons were really enriching n helpful... and i got to talk to alot more people i nv really talked to before! Which is really nice... hopefully can maintain this kind of r/s so it wun be like jus the sunday Hi-bye kind of thing!(: i dint stay for watchnight service.. sorry abt that... xp i almost did but... hahah oh well..
Partly it was because i really didn't feel like sharing. What could i say about my year? There are too many personal things involved.
For me, it was a really bad year. One which i felt empty, lost, lonely, disillusioned, but thankfully, never depressed. I cannot elaborate because all these feelings stem from very personal experiences, which i really don't feel like telling anyone about. Or maybe it's also because i cannot pinpoint exactly why i felt what i did.
The feeling of emptiness was something that i experienced this year which i've never before... an emptiness i tried so hard to fill.. and ended up making things worse.. and an emptiness that made me disillusioned as to what God's will was for me..and as to whether he was providing for me. And as events unfolded i just completely gave up trying to seek God's will. Everything seemed futile.
It was a year whereby i felt insecure and unstable... like a floating vagrant.. trying hard to find my way but not finding it.. feeling lost and empty.. having many friends around but not being close to many.. or any... feeling out of place and like i dont belong anywhere... finding myself in awkward positions...
It was a year when friendships were lost.. people whom i was once very close with for awhile.... just left like that.
Looking back, i wondered if things wud have been any different if i knew where and when to draw the margins earlier. Was it completely my fault that things turned out this way... Did i make things turn out like that? Why didn't i do anything about it?
I dont know myself anymore.. why i felt what i was feeling.. whether i'm making excuses for myself that things were beyond my control.. that it isn't really my fault... or that i really didn't know.. or was i just plain selfish...
Ok i shall stop thinking about this year. It's getting really depressing :( I cannot say what's past is past.. cos the past will still keep haunting me.. i know.. but i will work harder to have a better year.. with less mistakes made.. wiser choices.. wiser actions.. more discipline.. more margins made yes!
I cannot say that i'm back on track spiritually.... after a long time of neglect.. disillusionment.. humans are of little faith after all aren't we... when we dont see the results.. wen we're faced with setbacks..we start losing faith.. and i guess i'm just like that too.. but sometimes i guess i really needed abit of encouragement.. but i dint get that... and... ahh nevermind i dont want to elaborate.
i'm still abit disillusioned.. but i guess i will try... to start getting back.... maybe i dint seek hard enough..
Hopefully in the year 2010, things will start looking up.. and back on track for me.. and hopefully ill be stronger, more resolved and alot wiser!
honestly the new year just feels like another day to me..
Anyways.. Church camp was great! Really~ the lessons were really enriching n helpful... and i got to talk to alot more people i nv really talked to before! Which is really nice... hopefully can maintain this kind of r/s so it wun be like jus the sunday Hi-bye kind of thing!(: i dint stay for watchnight service.. sorry abt that... xp i almost did but... hahah oh well..
Partly it was because i really didn't feel like sharing. What could i say about my year? There are too many personal things involved.
For me, it was a really bad year. One which i felt empty, lost, lonely, disillusioned, but thankfully, never depressed. I cannot elaborate because all these feelings stem from very personal experiences, which i really don't feel like telling anyone about. Or maybe it's also because i cannot pinpoint exactly why i felt what i did.
The feeling of emptiness was something that i experienced this year which i've never before... an emptiness i tried so hard to fill.. and ended up making things worse.. and an emptiness that made me disillusioned as to what God's will was for me..and as to whether he was providing for me. And as events unfolded i just completely gave up trying to seek God's will. Everything seemed futile.
It was a year whereby i felt insecure and unstable... like a floating vagrant.. trying hard to find my way but not finding it.. feeling lost and empty.. having many friends around but not being close to many.. or any... feeling out of place and like i dont belong anywhere... finding myself in awkward positions...
It was a year when friendships were lost.. people whom i was once very close with for awhile.... just left like that.
Looking back, i wondered if things wud have been any different if i knew where and when to draw the margins earlier. Was it completely my fault that things turned out this way... Did i make things turn out like that? Why didn't i do anything about it?
I dont know myself anymore.. why i felt what i was feeling.. whether i'm making excuses for myself that things were beyond my control.. that it isn't really my fault... or that i really didn't know.. or was i just plain selfish...
Ok i shall stop thinking about this year. It's getting really depressing :( I cannot say what's past is past.. cos the past will still keep haunting me.. i know.. but i will work harder to have a better year.. with less mistakes made.. wiser choices.. wiser actions.. more discipline.. more margins made yes!
I cannot say that i'm back on track spiritually.... after a long time of neglect.. disillusionment.. humans are of little faith after all aren't we... when we dont see the results.. wen we're faced with setbacks..we start losing faith.. and i guess i'm just like that too.. but sometimes i guess i really needed abit of encouragement.. but i dint get that... and... ahh nevermind i dont want to elaborate.
i'm still abit disillusioned.. but i guess i will try... to start getting back.... maybe i dint seek hard enough..
Hopefully in the year 2010, things will start looking up.. and back on track for me.. and hopefully ill be stronger, more resolved and alot wiser!
